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Why Forgiving is Hard

When it comes to forgiveness there is no doubt it’s hard.  It’s one thing to sure agree that it is hard by what? Why is forgiveness so hard? It’s hard to overcome child abuse, bullying, infidelity or backstabbing. It’s not an easy thing to let it go although it is possible. So let’s examine why forgiving is hard:

1- It’s not easy to let go.

Probably the most honest reason about why forgiving is hard is because it means we have to let it go. Sure people may tell you ‘oh sister, just let go and let God’ which is fine although it doesn’t change how hard it is; nor does it change the fact that I want to just slap them. Just saying.

And do it goes that it’s hard and until you are ready to let it go nothing will change; except you. Whatever you allow to rule you will. So you have a choice. You can be ruled by unforgiveness which simply means that you are choosing to not let it go or you can be ruled by forgiveness which means you are moving forward in freedom.

2- It’s hard to trust God’s on your side.

When I was faced with forgiving it was hard. It was the absolute hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. The pain of abandonment, rejection, homelessness, loss of baby, infidelity was so much and the mere fact that I had to go before God who let it all happen and expect that He was on my side- yeah that was hard. It was hard to tell Him exactly how I felt and how unjust it was. I had to trust that God was on my side and that His word is true where He turns darkness to light. It wasn’t until I started telling God that I forgave those in my past that I felt His presence. The more I forgave the more I understood too that my problem wasn’t all about what they did; but the unforgiveness that I carried. And that- was life changing.

3- It’s hard to admit pain.

Who wants to admit they are hurting? Seriously; who wants to admit that? Most people don’t which is why they suffer in silence feeling invisible yet just sharing there is pain can be freedom. It’s really that simple yet for me because I never knew how to actually share anything but anger and lashing out the expression of anything else was a new experience. And besides how many tough girls admit they are in pain? I couldn’t possibly allow myself to admit that I was hurt because I would be weak and that just wasn’t what my persona was about. This was until I was faced with sharing it all with Jesus and everything changed. It will for you too and it’s ok to share how you feel because that is one of the first steps to not only being real; but moving toward forgiveness and actually know what the real situation is.

4- It’s hard to not want justice.

I didn’t want to forgive because I simply didn’t want anyone who hurt me to get off the hook. So I just didn’t. I did years later though mutter some words although those with discernment will see through you so don’t try that route. When being faced with forgiving I knew I needed to because God’s Word says so but in reality there were times when I resented it because I didn’t feel justified in being the one to forgive when I was the victim. I wanted them to pay and to pay dearly and somehow I equated my level of forgiveness with their level of freedom instead of my level of forgiveness is equal to my level of freedom. I see it now. My unforgiveness only hurt me; not them. The same for you. So just forgive.

5- It’s hard to let go of pride.

Unforgiveness in many ways is about pride. It is a built up wall of defense that keeps people out and you tucked in. It is a steel wall that can’t be penetrated through and in reality it’s a big false fake coverup. Those that don’t forgive are really just hiding behind the pain of the past, of people, their own selves or even God. Pride will keep people in such bondage of trying to be tough and trying to be nice; although the fruit of the Spirit cannot be exhibited through and unforgiver. And so the pride covers the truth and the truth is that what others have done hurt you and it’s ok. It’s much better to say the truth than hide behind it because it only creates a bigger, stronger wall that leads to a longer life of misery. So let go of the pride, be real, be vulnerable and just be free.

Forgiveness is not easy; not at all. What it is is freeing, life changing and weight loss. It’s the quickest way to be restored to Jesus and open the doors to blessings. It’s the display of what is in your heart and your level of obedience. And it’s hard. The good news though; is that you are equipped to face hard. And you are equipped to live your life of forgiveness.


Today’s Scripture

Psalm 56:4 “In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.  What can flesh do to me?”


Forgiveness Tip #6

You level of forgiveness is equal to your level of freedom


Julie Blair is President of Julie Blair Ministries and host of ‘Living in Forgiveness’ television and radio programs that airs daily  to over 3 Billion people on 5 continents.  To learn more about forgiveness and the love of Christ visit


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