The Perils of Choosing the Wrong Mate

Marriage in current day society has changed from the days and time of those living in the Old Testament. Instead of parents of both the bride and groom negotiating a dowry and wedding date for their children who may or may not have ever met; people today instead do it all on their own and much to their own ignorant destruction. One only need to look at those centered in celebrity magazines with the wedded bliss that lasted barely 24 hours to get an idea of what simply does not work. It is a shame that people have moved so far from God and the plan that He most likely intended for them to rely on their emotions or feelings of the day to make the most important decision of their lives. Looks and bank accounts are what we have come to and what a shame it is!

While many may get some assistance with choosing a spouse; there still isn’t much focus on the overall picture of marriage and how to be married; or what that even means.  Instead the focused trend is the ‘bride on her big day’ along with the dress, cake, honeymoon; and all the other ancillary items that make up the one day and a thirty minute ceremony; unless you are Catholic where 30 minutes is just the warm up. While there is nothing wrong with focusing on a wedding and the joyous occasion that it is; where is the groom? Much of societal trends forget that he is a vital component and many more don’t even discuss the day after the honeymooners return from their honeymoon to start their lives together. With much distraction of marriage and choice of spouse should it be any wonder that the divorce rate is higher than 50% for first time marriages and even higher at 60% for second time marriages? ( One would think that some lessons would be learned in spousal choice after a first failed marriage; however, the statistics prove otherwise. The reason for divorce is irrelevant as the fact that it is occurring is the symptomatic issue. The questions one could ask is why it’s an issue and why it’s not one that is discussed more; however, discussing it doesn’t change it from being true.  The focus in this particular piece of writing isn’t about the divorce rates; common questions to ask before getting married; or the excitement of the big day. Rather; the focus here is on the perils of marrying the wrong spouse. If more people truly reflected not on how happy someone makes them feel or how they fee on that one day; or how big of a house they will live in by marrying that person and instead step back and look at themselves and the emotional connection to see the larger picture and purpose and the results of marrying that person maybe wiser choices would be made with the outcome of lower divorce rates and a happier society. There is a purpose for marriage; for you in your marriage and for your marriage. What are the answers to those questions?

The most important peril of marrying the wrong person is outlined in Jeremiah 29:11. It reads: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you, and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Many people hear this scripture and yet do not for some reason absorb the importance of it. There is a plan for each person yet most don’t know what that particular plan is! Many who follow certain man made doctrines believe that the only role of a woman is to be a wife; and serve her master otherwise known as husband. Well; the Proverbs 31 woman would clearly be out line!  It only takes one to ask Jesus what that plan is if it is not known; else how can one know whether or not he/she fulfilled it on judgment day? By first building a relationship with Jesus and asking what that plan is a person will be in better position to continue forward toward marriage with the right spouse.  The person God has in store will come along as you progress toward your purpose. Not only this; it will help you better identify how that new spouse would fit in your and the call God has for you.  For those choosing to disregard the importance of this one step it will have drastic impact and effect.

Continuing forward with this particular scripture; if one does know the plan for his or her life and continues to marry the wrong spouse how then could that person continue to fulfill the said plan properly and to full completion? For example; if a single woman knows the plan for her life because it has been spoken to her and confirmed by others and she still chooses to marry the wrong person how can she begin to think that she will fulfill what she has been called to do? It would be almost impossible as scripture also reads that the first ministry is to family. Her new husband may not believe that she has a call or may not be as supportive as the right  God-intended spouse would be. If a woman is to be submissive to her husband she has most likely lost her positional status to continue forward with what she was required to do to the full for God because of her new position under the wrong husband. This is not to say that she cannot be used by God; however, it is to say that the wrong choice in spouse will significantly inhibit her ability to do ‘all’ that she could have done if she made the right choice and not settle for less than what God intended.

For a man who chooses the wrong spouse he will be combat-ineffective for God although in different ways. His wife may instead of being supportive and moving together toward what God has called for him; be considered friendly fire. The husband then will have to work out issues with God alone which in some instances would make sense; however, would also leave him requiring and needing more help than he may otherwise. Additionally; he would have to deal with this wife being a distraction that he wouldn’t have otherwise to deal with if the right choice was made. Scripture also is clear in Matthew 18:19 that “Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them.” For the man who marries the wrong woman he is completely at a disadvantage in his prayer life, his relationship with and to his wife; and his responsibilities to God.  One wrong choice will have impact that could cause him to suffer the rest of his life.

Being single isn’t the end of the world; it really isn’t. It gives you time to spend with the Lord becoming who He created you to be so that when He appoints that time you receive the person He planned all along. Don’t focus on what you don’t have; but Who you have- and Who you have that is right in front of you.

If you are already married thank the Lord for your spouse. Pray that the two of you are in agreement with Him and that the two of you as one will be able to complete the call on your lives as one; and that He gives each of you individually the detailed plan for your lives so that you are the witness for His Kingdom that gives Him all the glory.

For more about love and forgiveness and walking in the fullness of Christ watch ‘Living in Forgiveness’ weeknights at 9:30pm CST on the UANetwork.