Mother Regret and Forgiveness

Being a mother is not easy. Ask any woman. Ask any woman what it is like on a daily basis being a mother. It doesn’t matter if a mother stays at home with her children or works. It simply doesn’t. The regret that many women face for their choices is something that is hard for many to talk about and men to grasp. It’s a silent pain that many even feel guilty about. The wonderful news is that there is forgiveness!

If you are a mother who has had thoughts or currently regrets having your children because your life changed; don’t let it consume you. It’s ok that you have those thoughts. Then take them captive! There is no guilt that you should just be happy that you have children because so many others can’t. That’s rubbish! This has nothing to do with anyone or anything else but you. As we approach Mother’s Day reflect on that and how you can get to what you want; with your children and all. You are after all a mother who survived child birth right?  Maybe you may have thoughts of the dreams you once had if only you didn’t have children. Perhaps you wanted to travel to Monaco and write or perhaps you always dreamed of being a chef but because you now have children you have to plan birthday parties and play chauffeur. Regardless of what it is; know that forgiveness is there so that you don’t have to suffer more in silence because of a choice that you made. There is forgiveness and it starts with you.

1. Forgive yourself for hiding your thoughts and feelings. When you own how you feel and what you think; you will find power in it. Do not allow society to tell you where you should be by when and at what point. It will only add more pressure for you to be what you are not or don’t desire to be. If you regret having children; share it and share why. Write it down if you don’t want to share it with friends. Or share it with those you love.  It may be the one thing that not only frees you; but frees others well. They may have something to share that will change your life!  Your regret for having children most likely has nothing to do with your children but where you are in your life. Forgive yourself for allowing the bondage that’s holding you back. You are worth more than that!  

2. Forgive yourself for thinking you are alone. There is an entire movement about women in society who regret having children so you are not alone. Do not believe that you are the only who has ever had those thoughts or lived in regret. It may be that you wanted something else for your life; but why not make it so now? Don’t focus on the ‘I can’t’ because you won’t get anywhere. You can and you just have to truly want it to make it so! Why allow yourself to think you are alone and that there is no hope! There are more women just like you than you think. You see; Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that  ‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ What does this mean? You have a future! You are not alone. God’s Word also tells us in Deuteronomy and also in Psalms that He will never leave us or forsake us. You my dear beautiful reader are not alone. Do you realize that there has never been a moment in your life when you have not been loved?

3- Forgive yourself for the shame, embarrassment and guilt for your thoughts.  The enemy’s goal is to kill, steal and destroy. Destroy what? It doesn’t matter! The whole goal is destruction. If you are destroyed in your mind by feeling shameful for regret you will lose. If you are destroyed in spirit by guilt you are being destroyed. There is no freedom in that. It’s time to loose the ties that bind! You are too strong to be destroyed!

Women and all women need to stand together. It isn’t about celebrating women except the one named Sarah Palin. It just isn’t. It’s about women stopping the judgment and hate toward one another. If we look carefully and closely; we don’t even need men involved to do anything because women can tear down women all on their own.  Men need not be blamed for that! That is how much power women have yet in silent and secret women hide in fear of that same judgment and power from one another. It’s time to let it go. It’s time to be honest and say, ‘Yep. I do love my children. And yep; there are times when I regret having them. Yep. I feel selfish and guilty for it. Yep I don’t think my husband would understand. And yep; I’m finally ready to forgive myself and recognize that I am here and that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. (Phi 4:13) And that means getting beyond the regret to see that I can live a wonderful life.’ And then it’s time to accept that you are a woman and that you are no different than any other and that through forgiveness of regret of what comes with being a mom you will survive; it’s just what you do. You survive.