I recently came across the story of a woman named Kathy who is single and was interviewed about her list requirements of the man to be in her life.
While a a list of items to find at the grocery store is one thing; an 85 item list for expectations in a man is quite another! Yes; she has 85 items listed. How many of you actually get 85 items at the grocery store each visit?
What is fascinating about this is not only the length; but the contents. In a short review of the list number 41 isn’t just 41 it also has A-P with inclusions such as ‘make my toes curl’ which is something that may or may not make you cringe. Is that really the depths of what people are looking for? Are we really that narcissistic of a society? Should it be any wonder why so many are single and alone?
There are a few things about the list ladies I want to encourage you to think about. Men- if you have the list too then reflect on this.
Before I get to that let me share. Years ago I had a list. I used to listen to Pastor Jesse Duplantis and in one of his sermons he talked about making your petitions known to the Lord. If you tell the Lord that you just ‘want a man’ then you may get one; however, does he work? Does he have a vehicle? How about hair? Make my petitions known. Hmm……Interesting I thought.
I went to town! Oh boy did I have my list; three columns 3 pages and both sides. I wasn’t going to miss a thing. I wanted to make sure that the Lord knew everything “I” wanted. The list was well kept in a journal filled with writings and I never looked back. I never thought much about it until; someone else spoke something to be very profound that changed my life.
In 2006 I started attending a home Bible study and still had my list. I was on my way to getting something that only God could provide because there was no man on earth that could ever live up to my selfish desires; none. I had and have faith that God would provide so that wasn’t the issue at all. I had my list. I was all about me. I was all about finding the right man that was just created to be all about me.
At Bible study one evening I spoke about the list. My Bible teacher spoke very bluntly to me and revealed so much about my list that forever changed my thinking and the reality by which I lived. It went something like this: ‘So let me understand. You created a list of what you think you want and you were so bold to share with God all your ‘requirements’ of man. I’m sure you didn’t even include such things as a man after God’s heart, a godly father, a man with integrity; and character that would leave a life lasting legacy. You may want to think about just how selfish you have been and go and repent of thinking you know more than God what is best for you. You may want to think all the while what you think you want today; will probably change tomorrow. What then will you do when your list becomes outdated? You then will be complaining that it wasn’t really what you wanted and then try to blame God. Seeking the desires of your mind is not the same as seeking the desires of your heart. You may not want to be so bold to slap God in the face and think that your ounce of wisdom is larger than His.’ OUCH!
Needless to say; I sat in silence stunned. You see; people never spoke to me that way. Most were scared of me and he certainly was not and I so appreciated it. I never looked at how utterly selfish my entire list was. I went home that night to take my list and rip it up; except it was gone. A dear of friend of mine who knew all about the list was with me and went through every page in that journal and it was just gone. Gone. I was elated that I didn’t even have to ever see it again to say the least!
So it leads me to reflect on this: is there anything wrong with having desires? No of course not! There are certain things that are deal breakers but most of them are related to the foundations of how I live my life. It isn’t about the selfish motives of only wanting someone who is there to ‘serve you’. Where is what ‘you’ are offering? Most of what I had in my list was all about someone serving me. It was all about self. In listening to Kathy and learning that she has 85 items on her list; many of which are about what a man is there to do for her- where is what she is giving? Not one and this is based upon her interview stating that these were requirements of a man to be in her life. I wonder if she is financially free, no emotional baggage, no debt, no relationship problems, nothing of any kind. Nope not at all. It’s so ridiculous that people have expectations of others that they are not even able to deliver themselves. Interesting right?
If you are more focused on ‘finding’ someone who is only there to be what you expect him or her to be- you are missing the time that you could be spending working on yourself so when you meet that wonderful person you will be ready. You can’t be self focused and truly loving at the same time. There is no time for both. It’s not a dig on Kathy or anyone else with the list; but rather a plea to get over self so that life with someone isn’t missed. Life is short. Period. The minor things of receding hairline, chest size not being big enough and that person not being perfect is just part of life. Get over it. You aren’t perfect either. None of us are and most don’t look like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie so thinking you are just all that isn’t true. I say this not to be contrary but to share the reality that we all have something to improve upon.
It is the mindset and issue of the heart that is the issue. When we get so full of ourselves we overlook the things that matter the most. When we focus on hair color; we miss the heart. When we focus on status; we miss the smile. When we focus on fake; we miss the friend. When we focus on self; we end up alone. Just ask Kathy.