If you have ever been in the online dating arena maybe you’ve experienced it. In your in-box is s message telling you that you are a *(&&&*(() weirdo for not responding to an email quick enough, that you are prude for not meeting for sex; or that because you are a Christian not wanting to date a non-Christian it goes awry.
What do you do? Do you allow it? Defend yourself? Report it to the dating site? All of the above?
A few things to think about and steps to follow:
1-Report it to the dating site if warranted. You may have to search the site for the ‘help’ link as every dating site has a help section with a link to send your email. You can share the contents of the email and the username but do be aware that there are privacy policies in place to protect everyone so they may not be able to inform the sender that his or her behavior is not appropriate or abusive. You may also want to save a copy of the email in your personal files in case you need to get the police involved. You only need to file the complaint with the dating site if you are threatened so be prudent in this decision. If someone is just a jerk that is different than a threat upon your life.
2- Let it go. Challenging? Yes. If someone sends you a personal attack do not respond. Why? Engagement is fuel for the fire. Just like puppies; any attention is attention. Your response will only fuel the fire and if the person is a narcissist or has full blown NPD he or she will only have to continue to debate, position himself or herself to be right; have the last work and dominate you. Let it go and move on to someone who respects you.
3. Character concern. People reveal who they are in what they write. If the person believes it’s acceptable to personally attack you for what you believe or won’t do; it’s a huge red flag. If a person suggests you hide behind your Christianity because you do not want to debate doctrine; then what does that really say? You and your opinion are not respected, you have no value; and that the person is not interested in anything other than proving his or her point. What would happen if you were to ever meet? If you ever had a disagreement? If someone calls you names like pompous and challenges what you believe, tells you that while you are educated you really are not or that you evade truth because you don’t share in the same beliefs; that character is cause for concern to be around. If you are in pursuit of someone to love and be loved by would that person who says such things be a wise choice for companionship or marriage? There is never a reason to condemn someone and you need to recognize that it won’t change if you were to meet’ regardless of what the pictures look like.
4- Know your worth. You do not ever have to tolerate someone dis-respecting you. Ever. You have too much value and too much to give to someone who deserves is. If someone sends you an email that is critical, rude, mean, negative; or name calling then don’t tolerate it. There is never a reason to let anyone diminish who you are; especially someone who is hiding behind a computer screen and shows complete lack of class for who they are and for you.
Bottom line is that online dating may have benefits; it doesn’t mean that you have to give your time to those not worthy of it. There are many predators out there who have the sole purpose of causing pain. Sad but true. Focus on your end result goal. If someone does not measure up to what you want; it’s no big deal. Not everyone is a match for everyone. You have absolutely no reason to defend what you believe, want or who you are. Who you are my friend, is enough for someone who is looking exactly for you.
Want to continue to conversation. Check me out at www.facebook.com/1julieblair