I know you don’t know me; and I don’t know you although I know some things that I want to share with you. I’ve been positioned strategically for 20+ years to hear conversations of husbands and what they talk about when they believe no one around is listening. I’ve heard conversations of men in classrooms, conversations of men in high rank in the military, CEO’s, men on the golf courses, coffee shops, business meetings; the shooting range and many more.
I’ve heard what men talk about and how they talk; and most of it would truly surprise you. It isn’t the banter of crudeness and filth that many want you to believe. That’s a lie for men to be belittled into something of a pig and just another agenda for women to jump on to emasculate them. Let it be known your husbands are not pigs! Wives; there is so much that you need to know that is vital and it involves something within much deeper than what you’ve thought to this point.
You see wives it boils down to this: your husbands need you. They need you to be present. They need you to need them; and to show it. They simply need you. They enjoy a nice meal cooked by you; even if you aren’t a chef or actually feel like cooking. They want you and they desire you and want you to desire them. They desire your gentle touch. They desire your listening ear. They desire your affirmation and affection. They desire the intimate lovemaking and they yearn for it. And yes with the lights on. They are visual creatures that love the beautiful you that they married. Of course they want to see you! They desire you and all of you just the way you are- because that is how much they love you. And wives; they love it when you initiate!
When you as a wife withhold yourself from him it hurts and more deeply than you can realize. It’s the rejection, the pain that comes with it; and the isolation that breeds doubt, anxiety, insecurity and more. It sends messages that can destroy his self-worth and while you may think you have a headache; that headache hurts him more than your head aches. The distance it creates is much like when he isn’t interested in listening to your lengthy detailed conversations that you have with your girlfriends. What you feel when he isn’t interested in listening is how he feels when you withhold. As a result; you, he and your marriage all miss out.
What you may be surprised to learn is just how sensitive your husband actually is. Yes; your husband is sensitive and much more than you have probably ever paid attention to. He is so strong in the midst of the day yet his sensitivity is more often than not masked by the need to be stronger because any vulnerability is seen as weakness. And in today’s society where it’s all about the woman roaring; do you blame him? He wants to come home to the soft, secure home that has been built and feel the gentleness that can only come from you. He wants you to want to see him at the end of the day; not watch you send yet one more email.
Your husband right at this very moment is wanting you to notice him; to be thinking about him- to want him. And to tell him. Those three words ‘I want you’ will change his life forever should you be so bold to say it; again and again and again. It is that simple. His desire to be desired by you is what he craves and when it’s gone; he’s left wondering what he is fighting for. Where did it go? You don’t want ever want that man, that husband of yours to ever be left wondering as that place is dark and lonely and for many husbands all too familiar. He wants to rank higher than your career or job title and in all seriousness he should. He is the man of your house after all. He wants to know his place and that it’s first after Jesus. He doesn’t want to settle and shouldn’t settle for 2nd or 3rd place as that husband of yours is worth much more isn’t he?
Wives; you are so blessed to have the title and role of wife and perhaps you haven’t felt all that great about it but cherish it. Cherish your husband. Protect him and know that what you are not willing to protect you won’t keep. Your husband is worthy of your keeping and he wants to be kept; and only by you. He loves you and wants nothing more than to be respected by you so he can be the man that he wants to be and that you are expecting him to be; the man you fell in love with. He wants to be who he is and too to be understood, respected, loved, enjoyed and for all the days of the rest of his life regardless of his quirks. He wants all of that and more and he wants it with you at his side; because after all you are his wife- and he is your husband.
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Dr. Julie is president of Julie Blair Ministries and helps people be restored in love and forgiveness in Christ. To have Julie speak to your church or organization visit www.julieblair.com