Dating is supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to be exciting. It should be filled with great exploration of another person. That is what it ‘should’ be.
The rules have changed. In fact; there are none. It’s quite dangerous for women if they are not careful. There are those so called progressive woman who advocate having sex on the first date; never mind the health risk to women physically and spiritually. There are those that believe the best way to get a man is to be a witch with a ‘B’. Then there are those who just say do anything for a man because if you don’t you will end up old and lonely. Terrible that that is what is put out there for the so called benefit of women.
This is a call to women to stand up! Stand up for women and the essence of who we are! It doesn’t matter if you live in Dallas, Detroit or Denver; so long as women are divided on all the dating issues it will only leave us in danger and men more confused than ever. How does it put women in danger? It’s quite simple. Below are several ways that women put themselves in danger in dating relationships:
1- Sex by the 3rd date. That is dangerous because well; the obvious you are giving your soul to someone you don’t even know. The additional thing is that when you do this and the relationship is dead by date 4; it sets a standard for men that that is what is expected in the next relationship. Every behavior in dating that a woman exhibits sets the standard for men so should it be any wonder why so many men are just flat out mental disasters?
2- Text boundaries. If you allow him to text you ‘late night’ then what does that mean? He can do it and guess what- he will. Sure you may think it’s so nice that he is thinking of you at that time- but in reality he is thinking of himself. If he were really thinking of you at 2am he would probably show you and he some self-respect and wait until the morning recognizing that you probably are sleeping. He wouldn’t want to disturb you because he respects you. Now of course if you are already in an exclusive relationship and you have different boundaries this is entirely different. This point is for those who are newly dating someone.
3- If he expects you to drive to him on the 1st or 2nd time you meet that’s a huge red sign. First of all- the question is why on earth would you do it? Don’t you deserve a man to get in his car and meet you at least half way? You are putting yourself in harm’s way by driving to the home of a stranger! Sure he may be what you perceive to be a nice guy but so was Scott Peterson and the Craig’s List Killer. While you may carry a firearm that doesn’t mean anything and if you end up using it then you just put yourself in a more precarious situation.
4- If he gets mad that you won’t drive to see him run! Run fast! If a man just enters your life and has such an expectation that he can call you and you drop everything to go see him he is crazy and you are just dumb if you do it. If he is mad about that it shows his character and you are too good of a woman to have to chase a man who shows such utter disrespect toward you. That is a clue and you don’t even have to leave home to get it. Ask yourself if you were talking to your sister or best friend would you ever in a million years agree with her driving to the home of some man she just met all alone? Probably not!
5- If he interrupts you consistently. When meeting someone that you are starting to date the signs are everywhere. You have to be on guard and remove the emotional excitement to look at the reality. If you are in conversation and are unable to complete a sentence because he can’t let you- then it’s time to hang up. How could you ever communicate about larger issues in the relationship if you can’t even have a get-to-know-you conversation? The control factor enters scene left.
6- The touch factor. If you meet him for the first time and 10 minutes into it he is trying to hold your hand and put his arm around you; or touch your leg- open your eyes to this. Now sure this may vary based upon the length of time you have been in conversation with him but let’s say you have had one or two conversations and have exchanged a few texts. The emotional connection of someone you don’t know gets in the way; but you have to ask how real it is. Just because you had a few great conversations doesn’t mean you know someone. You only know someone when you spend time with that person. If you feel uncomfortable then say so. If he doesn’t get it- then there is your answer.
7- If he raises your voice at you then run. Sure some women will disregard it as ‘passion’ but really ladies let’s take it for what it is. Is that what you are really going to try to sell yourself to believe? A man should never raise his voice at you and if he does in the beginning what will he do beyond that?
8- If he calls you any name that is not nice then run. The fact that he believes it would be ok to call a woman any name tells it all. If you stay and put up with it reveals even more about you. You are better than someone you don’t even know calling you something that is not uplifting.
9- If he dates married women and tells you- it should be obvious but I must say. Sure the woman may be in the middle of a divorce but guess what? She still is married. Now some of you may argue this as divorces take a long time but here is the thing. That man is telling you that he is dating someone else in addition to you. No wonder why you are only getting a walk around a park and not a ‘proper date’ right? Open your eyes ladies! It’s not to say dinner and opera every date but it is to say that if you are a number in the mix. Are you better than a number? Of course you are! Now you may say it’s a good thing he told you he was dating other women and sure; but then the question to ‘why’ he would tell you in the very beginning along with the type of women he goes out with. Again; just run as character is revealed. You may be one who is dating other men which is fine; but do you share that one the first date when it’s about getting to know the man you are with at that moment? Or do you have little more prudence than that?
10- If he tells you, ‘It makes me feel good to touch you’ on the first time you meet-run. Just please run. It’s creepy that someone you don’t know would tell you that and you need to be asking if he is just hard up and is just using you to get his jollies. When you don’t know him and he tells you this he is obviously thinking more about how he feels than how utterly uncomfortable you may feel. It’s a sign ladies. Is he desiring to touch you for you because you are the women he desires as the person you are or what he can get from you? These are two separate things and you need to get that! Be watchful of those who just like to say ‘I’m affectionate. Touch is my love language.’ Sure. Boundaries for just meeting you is mine. How do you like me now? A real man will like and respect you more and not just say he can’t date you because you won’t hold his hand after 10 minutes of meeting.
11- If he tells you he is tired of dating bimbos. Well; what man wouldn’t be? The fact that that he dates them is one thing; and the fact he told you is another. So what does that mean for you? Is it a sales pitch that you are the ‘nice’ one? Sure you may get all excited that he now thinks you are better than the bimbos which of course you are; but if he doesn’t treat you like it then he needs to take a class! If all he gets are bimbos; that is a clue he is not ready for the good woman that you are. It’s not that he doesn’t deserve it but you have to be a nice guy to get the nice girl. Bimbos are treated different than nice women and we all know that.
12- If he thinks you are rigid because you don’t play his game so what? The real man out there for you will see it as self respect. It won’t even come up. Any man that gets ticked is just mad because you are not the bimbo he is used to. Not only this he is not used to being told no. Run from this man as he would only use the passive aggressive behavior to try to 1) make you feel guilty about not being easy or playing his game, 2) doubt yourself, 3) get you to give in. It’s a trap ladies. Stand up for what you believe and if some guy you don’t know thinks you are rigid so what? You are who you are and you have no need to apologize for it! You have nothing to prove to some man who wouldn’t even be able to grasp your value in the first place. If he tells you that you think you are better then he is that it is not your problem. You are not responsible for how anyone feels. No one can ‘make’ you feel a certain way. How you feel is your choice. You are a good woman and you don’t need to lower your standards to make some man you don’t know feel better about himself. It’s not worth the loss of your self-worth.
13- If he tells you there are other women who want him and who are ready to come over to his house when you don’t do what he wants- then run. It’s a ploy to tell you this because you shattered his ego. The other thing to realize is the fact that he would stoop so low to try to trap you into doing something you don’t want is a clear sign of manipulation. Do not be manipulated by a man who uses other women to try to get you. You do not deserve that and women if you are that woman being used- open your eyes.
14- If he tells you he has no problems getting women then run. Who brags about that? Men who get women don’t need to and the fact that you are a woman and he tells you that is a sign that what- you have to compete to be better than the others? Why on earth would you do that? A good man will see your value and chase you! He would never dream of using other women whether real or not to play mind games. Real men are good men. Any man that brags about getting women gets girls and not women. There is a difference and you females out there need to decide which you are!
We women need to stand united on this. So long as we are not standing up as women together it will only cause more problems for future women. Your behavior has impact and when you let men treat you less then how you should be and it doesn’t work out; then they think they can continue to pattern and well- then can. Until you are the one strong enough to stand up and say, “ I don’t have sex outside of marriage, I don’t drive to strange men’s houses, I am not a number; and I have integrity’ you will get less then what you should. There is nothing wrong with having standards and I know that isn’t a popular teaching these days but so what?
If you want a nice man for the rest of your life then be the nice woman. Respect yourself first and the men out there will too. Now please understand that this isn’t a bash men session as I love men. I love everything about them; minus foot funk but you get the idea. Women are just as guilty as men in the dating world and it only leaves single people heart -broken, confused; and untrusting. We as women can stop the cycle and in the end; not only help ourselves but also men too.
I challenge you today to look inward and make a list of what you deserve in your next relationship. Then make a list of things you have done and accepted to this point. Compare the two. While there may be stark differences forgive yourself for being dumb and stand up with a smile. We have all been there. If you are not getting what you are worth then it’s up to you to stop the madness in your life. Only you can make the change and my prayer for you dear beautiful is that today is the day that you will!