You were fearfully and wonderfully made; separate from anyone else. Period. How to keep your identity in a relationship is vital. Your identity is within you by your Creator. Your identity is not depended upon anyone else; except if you allow it to be. You were created for a purpose and with an identity that is uniquely yours.
When entering into relationships; people do for a variety of reasons. A secure, happy person enters into a relationship with the goal of marriage much different than the one whom is seeking for someone else to be that security; that happiness. Using a relationship to build your identity will leave you worse off in the end. So how do you keep your identity in a relationship?
1- Know who you are. When you know who you are it will help you to also know where you are going. While you may not be there; you will at least be on your way. People who don’t know who they are tend to settle for what comes their way and lose any hope of gaining an identity separate from the relationship. The relationship then becomes used as does the other person in the relationship.
2- Know your boundaries. What are your boundaries? What are the ways in which you allow people to treat you? When you have boundaries in place of how people are to treat you and what your life is; you can build healthy relationships that fit within the boundaries of how you live your life. People who have no boundaries are known to be moreso disrespected and it’s allowed.
As you reflect on what boundaries you want in place and operate in them; you will find that you and your health of those relationships can thrive. One such boundary is the time you choose to not take phone calls or text messages. Setting boundaries helps you keep your identity while being in any relationship and not lose it accidentally.
3- Know what you are bringing to the table. What you are bringing to the table is valuable; because it’s you. And you are valuable. You are at the table along with all your gifts and talents; and your identity. When you come to the place of walking in the fullness of your identity you won’t be so willing to leave it at the table for the crumbs. You will be able to stay true to who and Who’s you are and know that in the end you are respected for just that. The health of you and your identity will be protected because you will know what it is. Those who do not know their value lose what value they didn’t have and at the end of that relationship; are worse off because the time spent in that relationship proved costly along with the amount of time invested. When you know you are what you are investing will be what protects you and your identity.
4- Know when to exit or stay. People change, grow, mature; move along in the course of life. People have an identity as a single person or a married person and things they like or dislike; hopes and dreams for the future. It’s when you don’t know who you are any more than there needs to be reflection and investigation. if you are losing yourself to the relationship and the relationship itself has become the identity; go back to what you were doing prior to that relationship. Bring forth those wonderful hobbies you enjoyed, the experiences you shared with friends; and the elements of joy in your life.
Should you see that what the relationship has become and that it no longer is what you want as your identity; know it’s ok to move on. There is a season for all things under the sun. Most people never regret leaving early; it’s later than they regret.
Your identity is not based upon what others say you are how how you should behave according to their idea of a relationship. Every relationship is as unique as the people involved. Keeping your genuine identity while being in any relationship is a goal to continue toward not only for your health; but also the health of all of your relationships. Everyone involved in any relationship with you at any capacity is in that relationship because of who you are; in your true genuine identity. Don’t lose it.
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